I once suggested something to someone. They said it wouldn’t work. I knew it would — not that I’m always right, I’m not, but this one I knew. Months later they told me the same idea, like it was brand new. I said it sounded worth trying. I didn’t mention we’d had this conversation before.
Last week the same scenario played out with a colleague of theirs. They watched, a little frustrated. “Someone should have told them.” Maybe they were right. Someone had, in fact, told them, months ago, about the same situation. I didn’t say that either.
I think the memory just doesn’t connect across positions. From inside the pit, advice sounds abstract. From the rim, it sounds obvious. The two views never meet in the same head at the same time, which might be why the pit keeps getting visitors. I try to be careful with the advice I give too, because I’ve been the one nodding without listening.
I didn’t know whether to blame my horoscope sign or my 八字, so I looked the 八字 up properly. I’m 辛丑日: 辛金, the jewelry metal — refined, sharp, keeps its distance. 丑 is wet earth, and its main qi is 偏印, the watcher. Hidden in the same branch is 癸水, my 食神, the part meant to relax and enjoy. The watcher sits on top of the enjoyer. The books call it 枭神夺食. I don’t fully understand the mechanics, but I understand that sentence.
It explains the two things I don’t usually say out loud: I can’t stand talking to people, and I’m lazy. Not rudeness. From the rim, most conversations are predictable. I know where they’re going, and the effort of walking someone through it, knowing they’ll only hear it once they’re in the pit themselves, doesn’t feel worth it. So I stay quiet, which reads as not caring. Maybe it is.
And lazy: why warn them? The pit teaches better than I do.
These days I don’t stop them. I just make sure the tool is within reach for when they climb out.
中文版
有些人就是喜欢自己踩坑。
我建议过一个人做某件事。对方说，不会成的。我知道会成——不是说我每次都准，我不是，但这一次我知道。几个月后，对方把这个想法当成新发现讲给我听。我说，听起来值得试试。我没提我们几个月前已经聊过这件事。
上个星期，同样的事情发生在对方同事身上。对方看着，有点不解：“怎么就没人提醒一下？“也许对方说得对。确实有人提醒过，几个月前，就是对方本人。这话我也没说出口。
我觉得记忆在换了位置之后就接不上了。站在坑里的时候，别人的建议听起来很抽象。站在坑边看别人的时候，一切又显得很明显。两种视角很少在同一颗脑袋里同时出现，所以坑里才会一直有人。我也尽量对自己给的建议保持一点谨慎，我自己也当过那个点头但没听进去的人。
我分不清该怪星座还是怪八字，所以认真查了一下。我是辛丑日：辛金，珠玉之金，精致、锐利、和人保持距离。丑是湿土，主气是偏印，那个站在坑边看的人。同一个地支里还藏着癸水，我的食神，本该用来放松和享受的部分。偏印坐在食神上面。书上叫枭神夺食。我不太懂里面的机制，但我懂这句话。
它能解释两件我平时不太说出口的事：我受不了跟人讲话，而且我很懒。不是没礼貌的那种。站在坑边看，大多数对话都是可以预料的。我知道它会怎么走，而带一个人走一遍，又明知道对方只会在自己掉进坑里的时候才听得进去，这个力气我觉得不值得花。所以我选择闭嘴，看起来像不在乎。可能确实是不在乎。
懒也是：何必提醒，坑教得比我好。
现在我不拦了。我只确保工具放在他们爬出来时够得着的地方。
